HEALTH SCREENING on the job? Bring it on! It should be no problem, but, What if…? I try to stay in shape with my little daily routine- push-ups, stretching, squats- in between sprints to the coffee machine(and bathroom). But I still felt a little STRESSED OUT-because, I do wonder: will the wrong numbers JACK UP my premiums?! THAT could cause a heart attack!! I later found out it won’t.
SO, after the NOON show-basically the end of my 330a-1:30p workday (that’s another post)- I start to get a little “tight.” I begin to OVERTHINK this thing: Flashbacks to EVERY “bad” item I recently ATE (An ALMOND JOY I snatched from my grand daughter’s T-O-T bucket; a slice of cheese PIZZA from Costco (Hey! We do get a MINUTE to get out!!) and the ONE-AND-A HALF-CUPS OF COFFEE……. okay, okay…. AND hot chocolate mix-YUM! (busted). It’s from the *New* instant brewing machine in the green room. The boss had it installed 2 DAYS AGO! Hmmmm: new coffee machine on Monday- health screening on Wednesday… DID THEY CALIBRATE the caffeine content? – those beans were kinda dark? And, WHY WERE TWO OF THE HEALTH SCREENING *TECHNICIANS* IN THE GREEN ROOM, NEAR THE NEW COFFEE MACHINE, *AT *THE *PRECISE *TIME *I WALKED IN??
Okay,okay,okay… breathe in… breathe out… nice and slow. Gotta get the blood pressure down. IX-NAY on cup #2.5. Time to GIT-R-DUN.. do NOT run up the steps- it’ll increase my heart rate. Drink water- YEAH! That’ll dilute the ALMOND JOY. “Poink!” …blood test done. Yes, mine is RED despite my affinity for STAR TREK. Blood pressure? Hold up, wait a minute- IT *WAS HIGHER than usual!! See? What did I say?? CHOLESTEROL: UNDER 180- BAMM!!! And then, she “RED-FLAGS me- for, of all things, my WEIGHT! “What-chu-talkin-bout, Willis?!” A buck- 70 at 5′ 8″ AND-A-HALF. She said I was OVERWEIGHT!!!! SAY WHAT?!? I almost had a HEART ATTACK! …until she came back with the caveat- “That’s okay for a guy- we allow a little extra poundage for muscle.” AW, YEAH! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! “Honey, I’m on my way home! FIRE UP THE GRILL, GET THE CHITTERLINGS READY!”